Hannah was a woman who desperately wanted to celebrate Mother’s day. Her rival, Peninah (her husband’s other wife) would hassle her so much, ridicule her for having a closed womb, That it would drive Hannah to tears every time they went to worship and give their tithe. The priest, Eli, saw her at the temple and tried throwing her out because he thought she was drunk. “Not so, I am a woman deeply troubled…I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” So Eli tells her to go in peace and may the Lord grant what she asks.

So “in the course of time” (translation-not our time but God’s) Hannah conceived and gave birth. Oh happy day!

But then Hannah does something I find extraordinary. She brings him to the temple to be raised by the priests. “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” Now that takes faith. Hannah’s child was Samuel who became a great prophet and last judge whom God spoke to and through.

In this day and age with procedures and pills and adoption and surrogates, have we forgotten about the power of God? Do we think the power of God needs help, that we on Earth can do a better job than He?

Our children do not belong to us. They belong to God; we are only stewards of his family. May we learn and continue to be good stewards of all He has given us.

I sometimes get overly sensitive and begin to harbor judgment against others’ behaviors; my husband not complimenting me enough (is there ever enough compliments?), my mother in law telling me yet again that low-fat ice cream is good for me because it’s made with milk, a smile from someone you know talks about you behind your back (the bigger the smile, the bigger the backstab-just sayin’.)

Minor annoyances get bigger than life if not nipped immediately at the first thought. I cannot afford to harbor judgmental thinking. To judge is to give an authoritative opinion according to Merriam-Webster. I understand I am allowed opinions, I can make decisions. This is the beauty of free will. But truthfully, I am not of any authority over anyone else even if I am their supervisor or elder. I can hold people accountable to a high standard of living, but the only real authority is God.

Obadiah 3 says, “The pride of your heart has deceived you. Though you soar like the eagle and make your nest among stars from there I will bring you down, declares the Lord.” I am appreciative of the humble reminders I get from God when I get too caught up in my way or the highway mentality.

May I be open-minded and willing to listen to other’s viewpoint. I pray to remember I am not in control and that only Jesus can solve any spiritual problems either myself or anyone else may have.

A quickening heartbeat. A silent breath. A daydream of ‘what if.’

I grew up with a loving family, good friends and my needs with plenty of wants all met. I wasn’t abused or neglected or bullied. The potential my life had was sickening. And I was wasting it away feeling sorry for myself and being horribly lonely.

To get past my hurts I needed to admit I felt horrible, I needed to get out of the denial, out of the numbing behaviors of gossip rags and spending and eating. I consumed so I wouldn’t have to think. In Lamentations 2:18 it reads “The hearts of the people cry out to the Lord. O wall of the Daughter of Zion, let your tears flow like a river day and night; give yourself no relief, your eyes no rest.” I needed to recognize my grief and my anger at God. He knew what was in my shameful heart anyway; I just needed to finally admit it.

Once the admission of grief and hopelessness was given up and surrendered to God, miracles began to happen. It truly was like the next chapter in Lamentations 3:24, “I say to myself, “the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” God is all I need to get me through the day. I pray for the ability to carry out His will in my life, for His will to be my focus. Life began to get better because of the continual surrender process; there is safety in hope instead of a ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ pessimism.

We can be filled up daily. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lam 3:22-23. Hope cannot be forced but if we surrender despair, hope fulfills these promises.

Vision-Courage-Commitment-Development-Vision Continuous:

This list seems to be a progressive yet cyclic process. If you are not satisfied with the life you lead or have plans you can never follow through on, try creating a Vision (a picture of the future that inspires passion,) and then break it down into pieces.

Pray first for the courage to become willing, and then Commit to it by telling God, telling others and reminding yourself of what you hope to achieve.

Development takes practice and work and follow-through (and continued courage and passion!) I usually go into major research mode. I require a lot of writing, reading and talking with other people about what I saw, not to mention praying (and then actually waiting for the answer!)

Development intuitively inspires the snowball effect of joining with others’ Visions and creating new Visions to further the path of achievement. The latest Vision then needs Courage, Commitment and Development to fuel further success.

I pray daily for Courage to Commit, I work daily on Development and the part that makes it all worthwhile is seeing the Vision take a life of its own… that is when I realize it’s not really my Vision and never was.

Vacuous: Empty, vacant, blank; to be dull and stupid. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 1997.)

My life was vacuous in my teens and twenties. I was vacuous. Not all the time, sure, there were moments when I studied hard, lived well, was helpful to my family. But if I can be perfectly honest, much of the time I was centered and focused only on my needs, my feelings and because I had no direction I was seeking out what I thought I needed from the T.V., the malls and the assumption that if everyone knew my name at the local bar it meant I was loved; that lifestyle left me feeling vacuous.

To see change I had to be changed. New experiences gave me new hope. How and where do we find hope? I found mine in a tiny little church, in a tiny little town on a tiny little lake. A place where it’s okay not to be okay. I was encouraged to do something important with my one and only life. I was taught how to love, be loved and fear little.

You can’t always get what you want. Why is this so hard to accept? Further, why do I always hear the Rolling Stones when I say that?

In James 4:1-3 he explains it like this: “You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

I spent many wasted energies, time and money on my own pleasures with no thought of anyone or anything else. If I saw something I wanted; a new Ben and Jerry’s flavor or the latest i-whatever, my thoughts and time went to how I was going to get whatever I wanted. The horrible thing about getting what I want when I wanted it is the irony of not being satisfied. Ever. There was always more to want, more to get, which created a misuse of my energy misuse of my attitude and discontent with my many blessings.

So, are we to accept that we can’t always get what we want? Or can we change what we want? I taught a lesson in Sunday school this winter on Self-Control-being happy even when we don’t get our way. I explained it to the kid’s like this: The trick is to have what I want be the same as what God wants and it will be blessed and I will be happy. Simple but not always Easy.

To think of God’s will first helps me get out of my junk, the self-pity, the discouragement and the self-seeking and opens me up to my purpose, my strength and the real point of it all.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-10

We all have the gift of salvation; it’s just a matter of accepting it, applying it and doing what we are told. The problem with so many Christians (me included thrice!) is the ability to decipher what is from God and what is from our own will.

In the story of Martha and her sister Mary in Luke 10:38-41, it is illustrated that Martha is upset because she has just busted her tail to serve Jesus and his disciples and her lazy sister didn’t lift a finger to help. She hung out, shootin’ the breeze with Jesus, givin’ him a foot rub and listening to his stories, gettin’ all the attention, all the glory and to top it off, Jesus tells Martha she is the one who needs to change her ways, not Mary.

The way I see it is Mary was open and willing to LISTEN. She spent real time with Jesus, not rushing to serve out of gain of outside approval or pride or fear or ego but Mary had such a desire to hear what Jesus had to teach she ignored the distractions and gained what was better, a peace and serenity in the knowledge that she is saved by grace not by anything she could do but simply because she was a child of God.

I often forget to listen. I get wrapped up in the duties of the day and the need to present myself as someone trustworthy and responsible who succeeds at everything she tries. Ego tricks me into thinking I need to be doing rather than listening. When I remember to stop, pray and then stay stopped long enough to listen for a moment it’s amazing what grace I obtain from God.

“You will learn the full meaning of ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” BB pg 153.
This concept of loving my fellows has gotten easier working a twelve step program. I love them so much more than anyone save my immediate family. We have a connection and a trust that surpasses any relationship I’ve obtained thus far. Much of this freedom to love as myself is due to the anonymity of our format but it’s more than that. I see that my how fellows do whatever it takes to recover. And we all do it together, we all practice the same principles and even when we have different beliefs or politics it’s known in our program that those opinions and worldly perceptions are not as important as our recovery and our connection to a higher power. I struggle with the church fellows. I trust some, but not all. I am looking at their various behaviors and passing judgments and deciding who to trust through the judgments and not through blind faith and security like in the rooms of recovery. Why is that? How do I learn to trust which will allow me to love them without judgment? I need to omit the fear out of the whole thing. I do not fear in how. I get strength from my fellows and the format and God-the God that wants me to succeed, not only in recovery but in all areas of my life. The fear and the unknowing of what’s to come is blocking the sunlight of the spirit to shine on me to love my church fellows the way I love how fellows. I’m so grateful I have program to keep me focused, to remind me how I need to think act and be. No other recovery program will work for me!

I’ve heard a lot of Pastors and spiritual leaders mention this idea of a “holy hangover” in reference to the day or so after a big ticket weekend such as Easter.  This past weekend at our small church in the sticks we were fortunate enough to experience such a hangover.  The motivation God granted us and the willingness to work extra hard at invitations and special promos (coffee anyone?) paid off with bigger attendance and new and renewed commitments to Christ.  We are able to rest all the while reminding each other why we do what we do-to reach people for Jesus.  If I live today to the best of my ability and I am to live til tomorrow, chances are I’ll be able to live well then, so there is no need to worry about it before it arrives. 

Before I recovered from a disease of addiction and co-dependency, the holy hangover consisted of the morning after filled with remorse and shame and despair.  I was never going to get out of the pit I had dug for myself, nor did I deserve to.  A life filled with service and an attitude of gratitude afforded me a life of usefulness I had never experienced before. 

Keep a check on selfishness, dishonesty, fear and resentment by asking God to remove them immediately. Turn my thoughts to helping someone in need and practice pity, patience and tolerance. Simple but not always easy, but one day at a time a new life was created.  Getting involved in organizations I care about allowed me that new life.  I am forever grateful for my church home in the sticks. Grateful for the new kind of hangover.