Most people throughout history had to overcome self-seeking defects.
What does it mean to be self-seeking? If we break the word down, it is where or how have I sought self. I have let so many people and situations define how I feel about myself. I have sought after a definition of myself in others. If you like me, then maybe I’m likable. If you don’t like me, then you’re probably really smart, because you can see below the surface. One bad evaluation out of a hundred is the one that I focus on. Always the pessimist. Always self-deprecating.
Everywhere you look, society wants us to define ourselves with each other. But this is not how God wants us to view ourselves.
“They spread scary rumors among the people of Israel. They said, “We scouted out the land from one end to the other- it’s a land that swallows people whole. Everybody we saw was huge. Why, we even saw the Nephilim giants. Alongside them we felt like grasshoppers. And they looked down on us as if we were grasshoppers.” – Numbers 13:31-33
I visualize these guys as drama queens. So dysfunctional that living a life of chaos feels natural, even safe. This is why they were in the wildness for an entire generation.
Where did we learn that grasshoppers were bad? Where did we learn bigger is better, faster, stronger? I don’t know about you, but I need daily reminders on where my identity comes from. I need to pull myself out of the mire of pessimism and into the sunlight of the spirit. By focussing on my identity in Christ and not in my work, relationships or even my own feelings, I gain the God-strength needed to overcome the obstacles in my work, my family, or whatever my current circumstances.
“For who is God besides the Lord? And who is rock besides our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” – Psalm 18:31-32
Don’t look at people doing it better, faster, cleaner than you. Compare and Despair.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing,or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place,thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, HAPPENS IN GOD’S WORLD BY MISTAKE.-A.A. Big Book pg 417
You are exactly where you need to be, the question is are you meant to stay there?
Where are you seeking self?