Most of us know the phrase “don’t worry about what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have.” Yeah…that isn’t working so much for me. Or the phrase, “well, it could be worse!” or the ol’ “there are lots of people way worse off than you!” These phrases may work to make someone else feel better about their situation or circumstance, it SO does not help me. Not only because it allows my compulsive, codependent brain to project worse case scenarios ahead of their time, and makes me compare myself to others and either judge them harshly or myself. But it also devalues my feelings. Sometimes life just sucks and that’s okay. God is still God and he is bigger than the circumstance I have found myself in today.
It was a breezy fall day yesterday and I was all ready to head out of town to visit family. I live on a dirt road and when we take my dog on long road trips we like him to get his exercise beforehand by running alongside our bikes, fourwheeler or jeep as was the case yesterday. Yup, you guessed it. I was driving along (yes, hands on ten and two and no, I wasn’t on the phone) when I felt a thump. Sometimes there are clumps of dirt from the graters left in the road but I thought , “hmm, I don’t remember seeing any clumps.” That’s when I glanced in the rearview and saw my little 25 pound pug/boxer mix lying in my tracks. I had run my baby over.
I’m grateful he is still alive. I’m grateful he still has three good legs and the hope is he will be able to walk again. I’m grateful the town vet could see him immediately. I had a lot of time to think [obsess] while nursing him all night. What did I do wrong to deserve this? Why did it have to happen? What lesson am I supposed to learn from all this? Yes, I know it could’ve been worse. Yes, I know there are SO many others way worse off than I. But see, those phrases just make me feel guilty, like I have no right to be this upset over a small thing on top of all the other feelings I’m processing through. It makes me feel like I did something wrong and this accident is my punishment. Or perhaps a test. See, you can’t have kids-you can’t even keep a dog safe! Logically and rationally I know these statements aren’t true. I am able to deflect the lies by reading scripture,blogs of my mentors and praying.
I read from Jud Wilhite (Pastor of Central Christian Church in Las Vegas, NV) today, “The past provides a concrete expression of Gods unchanging love for us to hold onto.” I don’t need to look at others’ circumstance to compare my own life to; I need to look at my past and remember the promises God has already made come true in my own life. A sound mind, a heart so big I usually keep it guarded, a healthy body and a home enveloped by nature. God didn’t punish me, He isn’t punishing you. Remember His unchanging love.
Philippians 4:13 “I can do EVERYTHING through him who gives me strength.”